My Slice of Pineapple Express

I spent the past week in a drug-induced haze…by legal means. Don’t ask me what happened in the world or how work went. I have no idea.

Bet you’re wondering how you can get your hands on this stuff. It’s pretty easy. Just go to your doc and tell him/her that you need seasonal allergy meds. Then sit back and watch the pink elephants fly.

It started last weekend when I began my preparations for the onslaught of spring pollen. Prescription nasal spray. Check. Prescription antihistamines. Check. No sense of time or space. Check-a-rooney.

Monday was a little hazy but I chalked it up to the Monday blahs. By Tuesday I was still fuzzy but didn’t care much about anything. That intensified on Wednesday but I thought it was me just being tired of winter. However, on Thursday I knew something was wrong because…uhm…like….I couldn’t…well… string two coherent thoughts together. I also couldn’t complete any task no matter how mundane.

Task required: Print spreadsheet, go to the printer and retrieve.

Task completed: Wander to the drinking fountain. Grab some Cheetos from the vending machine. Look at the shiny insides of the vending machine for awhile. Marvel at how the vending machine can hold all that food and drop it at precisely the right time. Find my way back to my desk. Play with paper clips on desk. Wonder what happened to my bag of Cheetos.

This is why it took two days to complete a project.

“There’s something wrong with me,” I whispered on the phone to TJ. “It’s like I can’t complete a thoug…. Hey, are you guys going out tonite?”

What I felt like was the dude from Pineapple Express whose name I couldn't remember for two days.

Later that night I lay in bed while Hubby snored peacefully at my side.

Maybe I have a brain tumor.

Or early onset dementia.

Or a brain aneurysm like that woman on Grey's Anatomy who died while the baby lived even though her husband told Dr. McDreamy to save his wife if he had to choose between the two and McDreamy wouldn't put his scalpel down and got into a fight with Addison that the Chief had to come to the ER and resolve.

Staring at the dark ceiling I used all my skills of concentration. Perhaps...just maybe...the problem is the pill I started taking at the exact same time these symptoms started.

Hmmm. Could be the issue, I suppose.

So I stopped the seemingly cannabis-infused meds and, just like that, started to regain my super powers of focus and concentration.

And that, kids, is why you just say no to drugs. At least until the doc prescribes something new next week.