There's a fad I'm not hip with yet. It involves yelling at inappropriate times. The leaders of the current trend include South Carolina representative Joe Wilson, tennis superstar Serena Williams and rap master Kanye West. For the love of John McEnroe, what is going on?
Tourette Syndrome involves tics and may include verbal tics. We usually think of uncontrolled outbursts of profanities. Not true, I've learned during my in depth research. (Ok, I read Wikipedia.) The verbal Tourette's is relatively rare. So that doesn't explain these celebrity rants.
I got to thinking that maybe wealthy people lose their inner filter that screens out inappropriate verbiage and behaviors. Or perhaps this is related to the swine flu epidemic and is an early symptom of the illness. But if that were the case, right now college campuses, where swine flu is running rampant, would be cesspools of profanity (more so than they already are).
If this is the next big thing then I must get on board. Hell, I just bought an iPod Touch and have loaded apps. I'm hip and current. So here's how my yell thing is going to work: At odd times I am going to yell "Nordstroms!" "Bacon!" "Wine club!" Maybe I can get attention and create long, drawn out discussions on news websites or on talking head TV news. I'm sure my coworkers, friends and husband will be delighted. For sure I know Nordies, Oscar Mayer and Napa Valley will be cheering me on.
Sep 14, 2009
Sep 12, 2009
The Longest Bile
The gallbladder is a pouch that holds bile manufactured in the liver. It’s located just below the stomach and squirts bile into the small intestine when recently eaten food passes by. One of bile’s functions is to help break down the fat you’ve eaten so it can be further digested in the small intestine. At times people need to have their gallbladders removed because cholesterol stones block the bile duct. One can function just fine without a gallbladder or so it would seem.
The other night my still intact gallbladder sent me a text message. It read: “Stop the madness, you gluttonous pig!”
My gallbladder was working at a breakneck pace. The reason? I was eating Alaskan king crab legs at a record setting pace. With butter. Lots and lots of creamery, sweet, buttery tasting butter.
The next text read: “Yo, bitch! Don’t think I’m going to let you off the hook. How about a salad or some fruit?”
So the gallbladder did what gallbladders do. It seemingly stopped working leaving undigested crab and butter sitting in my ever expanding stomach. When I woke up the next morning I felt like the snake that ate the mouse. I had what can best be called a Food Hangover. The feeling persisted through the next day: queasy, irritable, fat.
Oh, my god! I thought. I have butter toxicity! I bet a blood test would show that I have pure 100%, USDA Grade A butter circulating in my arteries. Obviously, my body quit trying to digest the butter and let it all go straight into the bloodstream. That would explain the hardening of the arteries that leads to my stomach, causing that organ to stop working too.
If a vampire would want my blood I could only hope he wouldn’t have high cholesterol or I’d kill him before he killed me. Or maybe that’s my defense (instead of the garlic necklace).
I uncomfortably got through the rest of the day and have cut waaay back on my fat intake since. Butter is one of my true loves (along with bacon), but we need a cooling off period for awhile. In the meantime, my gallbladder is kicking back in Cabo trying to get past the whole ugly incident.
The other night my still intact gallbladder sent me a text message. It read: “Stop the madness, you gluttonous pig!”
My gallbladder was working at a breakneck pace. The reason? I was eating Alaskan king crab legs at a record setting pace. With butter. Lots and lots of creamery, sweet, buttery tasting butter.
The next text read: “Yo, bitch! Don’t think I’m going to let you off the hook. How about a salad or some fruit?”
So the gallbladder did what gallbladders do. It seemingly stopped working leaving undigested crab and butter sitting in my ever expanding stomach. When I woke up the next morning I felt like the snake that ate the mouse. I had what can best be called a Food Hangover. The feeling persisted through the next day: queasy, irritable, fat.
Oh, my god! I thought. I have butter toxicity! I bet a blood test would show that I have pure 100%, USDA Grade A butter circulating in my arteries. Obviously, my body quit trying to digest the butter and let it all go straight into the bloodstream. That would explain the hardening of the arteries that leads to my stomach, causing that organ to stop working too.
If a vampire would want my blood I could only hope he wouldn’t have high cholesterol or I’d kill him before he killed me. Or maybe that’s my defense (instead of the garlic necklace).
I uncomfortably got through the rest of the day and have cut waaay back on my fat intake since. Butter is one of my true loves (along with bacon), but we need a cooling off period for awhile. In the meantime, my gallbladder is kicking back in Cabo trying to get past the whole ugly incident.
Sep 7, 2009
Mini Book Review - Labor Day
I cannot believe summer is about to become a distant memory. The college football and all-important preseason NFL stuff should have tipped me off. Maybe the end of summer seemed to zipped by because I had my nose in a book for most of August and this holiday weekend. Lots to share:
Many books have been written about Americans in France. (If you'd like a Brit's take on the French experience I highly recommend the books of Peter Mayle.) The upshot of these books is the different lifestyle and the almost religious devotion to food and drink. I'll Never Be French: Living in a Small Village in Brittany, by Mark Greenside, is a tale of how one man went to France, bought a house on an impulse, and came to love the small village and people who inhabit it. You'll be ready to book your trip and learn more about the little talked-about area of Brittany.
One of the big events of my summer was the movie Julie and Julia. I was there opening weekend with my foodie friend (who graduated from culinary school herself.) The movie is based on two books: Julie and Julia by Julie Powell and My Life In France by Julia Child. I read the Julie Powell book a couple years ago and, around the same time, listened to the audiobook of My Life In France. After seeing Meryl Streep channel Julia Child I just had to revisit her book. And what it treat it was. This was a woman who clearly loved France, their food and her life. If we all embrace life like Julia did, we would be far happier people.
I've never been able to read the horror genre. Too many nights sleeping with the lights on. I don't even see scary or graphic movies since the images sear into my brain for way too long. But I do love Stephen King. I can't read most of his books (due to my queasy brain) but I've been a fan of his other writing (as a columnist in Entertainment Weekly) and the book On Writing. The first third of the book is an autobiography taking us from his not-so-easy childhood to young adulthood where he honed his craft and started selling his addictive novels. The remainder of the book is his advice for writers. I may tattoo King's words of wisdom on my arm so as not to forget anything. A gift to writers and anyone interested in the creative process.
I can't be so enthusiastic about Happens Every Day by Isabel Gillies. Recommended by a friend, it only took me a day to slam through the true story of a wife of a university professor who's husband falls out of love with her and in love with a colleague. I read the book reviews after the fact and readers fell into two camps: (1) those who empathize with Isabel and her rotten husband and (2) those who don't quite understand what point she's trying to make. Count me in camp #2. Yes, it is a sad story and she does survive. But I don't understand what insight she gained or how she grew as a person. In fact, I found some of her behavior odd as she tried to save her marriage. Her denial ran deep and her actions made her look quite sad. Read this one for yourself and see what camp you fall into.
Another quick read was My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey by Jill Bolte Taylor, PhD. The author was a neuroscientist in her late-30s when she suffered a stroke. The left side of her brain (the area that is analytical and linear) was damaged while the right brain flourished. Bolte Taylor does recover after years of work, but she learned how to keep the insightful and joyful right brain a part of her daily life. If you're left-brained (like me) it's a must read. In fact my head now sits more upright on my neck instead of falling to the left every time I make a list or analyze numbers. Yay right brain!
I'm feeling like some fiction next. Stephen King highly recommends the Harry Potter books. Uh oh. I feel the need to get some round spectacles.
Many books have been written about Americans in France. (If you'd like a Brit's take on the French experience I highly recommend the books of Peter Mayle.) The upshot of these books is the different lifestyle and the almost religious devotion to food and drink. I'll Never Be French: Living in a Small Village in Brittany, by Mark Greenside, is a tale of how one man went to France, bought a house on an impulse, and came to love the small village and people who inhabit it. You'll be ready to book your trip and learn more about the little talked-about area of Brittany.
One of the big events of my summer was the movie Julie and Julia. I was there opening weekend with my foodie friend (who graduated from culinary school herself.) The movie is based on two books: Julie and Julia by Julie Powell and My Life In France by Julia Child. I read the Julie Powell book a couple years ago and, around the same time, listened to the audiobook of My Life In France. After seeing Meryl Streep channel Julia Child I just had to revisit her book. And what it treat it was. This was a woman who clearly loved France, their food and her life. If we all embrace life like Julia did, we would be far happier people.
I've never been able to read the horror genre. Too many nights sleeping with the lights on. I don't even see scary or graphic movies since the images sear into my brain for way too long. But I do love Stephen King. I can't read most of his books (due to my queasy brain) but I've been a fan of his other writing (as a columnist in Entertainment Weekly) and the book On Writing. The first third of the book is an autobiography taking us from his not-so-easy childhood to young adulthood where he honed his craft and started selling his addictive novels. The remainder of the book is his advice for writers. I may tattoo King's words of wisdom on my arm so as not to forget anything. A gift to writers and anyone interested in the creative process.
I can't be so enthusiastic about Happens Every Day by Isabel Gillies. Recommended by a friend, it only took me a day to slam through the true story of a wife of a university professor who's husband falls out of love with her and in love with a colleague. I read the book reviews after the fact and readers fell into two camps: (1) those who empathize with Isabel and her rotten husband and (2) those who don't quite understand what point she's trying to make. Count me in camp #2. Yes, it is a sad story and she does survive. But I don't understand what insight she gained or how she grew as a person. In fact, I found some of her behavior odd as she tried to save her marriage. Her denial ran deep and her actions made her look quite sad. Read this one for yourself and see what camp you fall into.
Another quick read was My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey by Jill Bolte Taylor, PhD. The author was a neuroscientist in her late-30s when she suffered a stroke. The left side of her brain (the area that is analytical and linear) was damaged while the right brain flourished. Bolte Taylor does recover after years of work, but she learned how to keep the insightful and joyful right brain a part of her daily life. If you're left-brained (like me) it's a must read. In fact my head now sits more upright on my neck instead of falling to the left every time I make a list or analyze numbers. Yay right brain!
I'm feeling like some fiction next. Stephen King highly recommends the Harry Potter books. Uh oh. I feel the need to get some round spectacles.
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