Is This Man Deranged?

I'm appalled at the circus that is Brett Favre. The future hall of fame, retired-unretired-not-sure, gotta-get-surgery-oh-never-mind-what-the-heck-I'll-play quarterback is back. Again. Of course one needs predictability in life: summer fades into fall, Thanksgiving comes before Christmas, the Big 10 will suck in football bowl games. These are all things I know for sure and can rely on.

A new certainty has sprung into our lives the same way mosquitoes know when to reappear each summer. Brett Favre will retire, unretire, contradict himself and lead us on a wild goose chase each spring and summer. For some reason we care (probably to take our minds off of the latest steroid mess in Major League Baseball).

I don't believe that Mr. Favre is a wavering mess of uncertainty. Each post-season he crafts a well-orchestrated agenda for how the next season will play out.

March: Choose the team; ones close to Wisconsin are favored

April: Make comments to the media about coming back but cloak with vague comments about diminished ability

May: Leak info about health issues; have family make hotel reservations for future games

June: Be sure future head coach is found to have had recent contact

July: Promise to make final decision by month end

Early August: Formally announce intention to stay retired

Late August: Unretire (just as training camp is wrapping up)

And that, my friends, is the reason why Number 4 goes through this mockery each year. Dude doesn't want to go to training camp. This is a long drawn-out precision drill to avoid what he doesn't want: living in a dorm room to be yelled at by coaches and sweated on by teammates. BF would have announced his return months ago if he was given a Get Out Of Training Camp Free Monopoly card.

Why does this bug so me much? Many are outraged that he will play for one of the Green Bay Packers mortal enemies. Others are tired of his wishy-washy ways. Hey, retire or don't. Just make up your freakin' mind. I am most bothered by the manipulation...all in a ploy to get out of two-a-days. This isn't about his heart or the ableness of his throwing arm. It's about having it his way with his own set of rules. That is what we call a true male diva, kids.

I will watch the Packer-Vikings games with interest and look closely at how his teammates, you know, the ones who worked their asses off in training camp, interact with him.

So grab a brat and a beer. Let's see how this gig plays out.

Thanks to the snarky guys at Sconnie Nation for entertaining me to no end with their 'Brent' Favre commemorative t-shirt. You guys are brilliant.